To the Brave Few

the first step of awareness

If I had to assign a proverbial step one in the emotionally healthy Christian life, then awareness is it. In a time when, thankfully, there is more information out there than could be consumed in a lifetime, there seems to be a recession in self-knowledge, a crisis of awareness of who we are and what shaped us to become that way. Apart from blogs and therapists, awareness lands awkwardly at best. We are, it appears, so consumed with the practical problems and needs we face that words like solitude, peace, confidence, and awareness seem like ancient luxuries from a time before mortgages and iPhones. Of all the possible journies ahead of us, the inward journey seems like the least viable option.

It's understandable. Of all the places that illicit fear in the heart of a person, the heart of a person is the most frightening. For many, I may suggest even say most; there was no guide helping us down the road to the heart, no experientially informed sage to help navigate the treacherous walk to the interior. When I sit with men face to face and ask them, "So, tell me what's going on." Nearly to a man, a set of facts begins to roll out into the room. Facts about kids, spouses, and jobs. Rarely do we begin with, "I've realized I'm emotionally frozen, and I'm here to learn more about how to thaw." Or, "I think my friends are right; I'm not sure who I am apart from my role at work."

Again, due to the generational interruption in the wise, vocal guide supply chain, this all makes complete sense. But, just because it makes sense doesn't mean it makes sensible people. To become a group of change agents and trusted agents, we must first know ourselves. We must open the earliest chapters of our lives and read the story with fresh, compassionate eyes. The large majority find these instructions simply too intimidating to follow. As a result, we cannot access the good in us we need. It is as if the fear and embarrassment of previous experience barricade us from knowing the best parts of us, from becoming familiar enough with our strengths to gain the ability to properly point them into the world that so desperately needs them, not to mention the fulfillment those strengths would bring our own souls.

We, in essence, have traded form-ation for form-less. Dallas Willard in Renovation of the Heart describes it this way:

The formation and, later, transformation of the inner lives of humans, from which our outer existence flows, is an inescapable human problem. Spiritual formation, without regard to any specifically religious context or tradition, is the process by which the human spirit or will is given a definite “form” or character. It is a process that happens to everyone.

After formation, there must necessarily be transformation. From this transformation, our outer lives will increase in purpose and fulfillment. This friends, is why shame, the primary transformation mitigator, receives so much of my righteous anger - especially when dispensed by religious communities.

If I were to ask you, "How formed is your spirit," would you have an answer?

Awareness is learning to see, listen to, repair, and mature your spirit. It isn't popular work. Too often, it goes ignored even in therapeutic settings where problem-solving and personality-defining have been the dominant modus operandi for years. Even this strategy has been under siege as of late from the wave of diversity, equity, and inclusion madness that has deluged the field of mental health, resulting in a dramatic reduction of all three. Under this tainted system, helpers are becoming homogenous and less diverse through the forced sameness of thought, providing an inclusion marked by the distinct absence of accountability with every insurance reimbursed hour.

Dr. Henry Cloud, a member of the old guard and author best known for his work on boundaries with the same title, has this to say about awareness in his work now titled Changes That Heal:

Since setting boundaries is merely taking ownership of what is yours, your first step is gaining awareness of who you are. Become aware of your body, feelings, attitudes, behaviors, thoughts, abilities, choices, wants, and limits. Take inventory of where you have come from, where you are now, and where you are going.

Where have you come from?

Where are you now?

Where are you going?

These are all awareness questions, sentences that only fully make sense for those doing their work. Odds are that boundaries and ownership did not mark the time you've spent unaware. I'd bet just the opposite. Don't judge yourself for that. Everyone starts there. Starting there and staying there are two different things, aren't they?

Closing now, awareness in and of itself is not the goal. The preferred end state is taking our feet, our place on the timeline, to be and do precisely who we were built to be. To get there, though, we must start at the start. We must begin the ever-increasing journey of awareness.

Winston Churchill put it this way:

To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.

My theology dictates that your finest hour is always in the future. Yahweh's commitment to growing us and changing us never takes a vacation. It is, as Paul put it in Philippians 2:12, a continual working out of who we are in Christ. I, too, believe it tragic when the moments we are uniquely built for pass us by unnoticed. Worse yet, while noticing them, to feel woefully unprepared.

Here's to the brave few who, when presented the choice to ignore or engage, choose the path of awareness - that more difficult and narrow way. May Yahweh grant you the courage to know what you can change, accept what you cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference.